Are you?

I’m going through such a hard time in my life right now, i got so many inspiring messages in my inbox i would have loved to post them all i just would spam everyone to death. but if you sent me a message, a video, a word of encouragement, or anything else, I did read it and I do appreciate it. I haven’t really had it in me to eat very much or move very much. I had a dream last night I was holding my baby and then the clock hit 12 and she unraveled like a small bundle of yarn in my hands. No matter how hard I squeezed she kept disappearing. This is all so hard on me, all I want is for my ex to be there for me and he turns his shoulder. I know this is supposed to be a fitness blog, but is it okay to not feel very fitness-y sometimes?

And i miscarried his child today. It’s so god damn hard to focus on anything. I can’t stop crying. I can’t breathe… I know I deserve this but why god?… Why?